Making big decisions and considering their consequences
Our grapes! Ripening earlier than we expected!
I still get asked, “Would you ever return to medicine?” Surprisingly, or maybe not, I get asked this quite often, even by people whom I’ve already spoken to about my reasons for leaving. It was a BIG decision to leave such a prosperous and highly-regarded career. And it was not a decision I took lightly. In fact, it was about 6 months of sleepless nights and crippling anxiety, solely around making the decision to leave. But I made the decision, and I left. I can say with one hundred per cent certainty, it was the right move for me. I am so much happier and healthier now. I do not intend to practice medicine again.
However, I am delving back into the medical world! I very recently did a course on how to teach Medical English. It was an 8-week course, and in the first couple of weeks, we covered the medical side of things. It felt like I was back in my first two years of medical school, learning how to take a patient history and figuring out bedside etiquette. I have to give my university some credit; they taught us quite a bit about communication skills in healthcare. But now I’m looking at it from an English teacher’s perspective, and there is definitely more that can be taught, but first, I need to learn it myself!
I’m enjoying the experience! I was very hesitant to delve into this niche because of the fear that I might miss practising medicine. But I don’t think it’s going to be a problem. I’m really enjoying teaching, and I am really loving my life here in Portugal. I love our house. I love our creative projects. I wouldn’t have the time, motivation, headspace or energy to do any of this if I were still working as a doctor. And, I would not give this life up for medicine. I can breathe today. Not only can I breathe, but I can breathe fresh country air! I can spend full evenings and weekends painting or gardening, and that time is always guaranteed. I don’t work crazy on call schedules, and I don’t work irregular hours with no set finishing time. I decide when to take my holidays. It is such a blessing to have this flexibility and this autonomy.
When I finally made the decision to leave medicine, I started counselling with a therapist, because I knew I was going to need it. In our first session together, I remember telling her I just felt like I had no control over my life in medicine. And, honestly, it wasn’t just a feeling. So much of my life was determined by rotas and job placements, and rankings. So much of it was chance or luck or just someone else’s decision. I hated it. I hate just thinking about it. But today, I’ve regained that control over my life. I choose where I want to live, I choose my schedule, and I choose what I do with my evenings and my weekends. It feels liberating because it is liberating.
I am so happy with my decision. I am so happy here.
If this resonates, please reach out if you feel stuck. We can talk through it, and I can guide you to some helpful resources. Life does not have to feel predetermined, predictable and out of your control. It’s not set in stone, but it is up to you to make a change. It is terrifying, but it is also doable. People can and do leave healthcare.
I’m not trying to encourage everyone to leave healthcare, but I do think it’s important that those who feel trapped can see a way out.
